Christmas 2018

Christmas #1 - My dad came up to Fort Wayne and we had a nice lunch and opened gifts on the 16th. We were having such a good time, I forgot to get pictures.

Christmas #2 - Family Christmas.  We started with our tradition of going to Build A Bear and letting the kids make a stuffed animal.  Later that evening they opened one present, which was of course pajamas.  Then, they got up really early the next morning to open presents.  We spent all day on the 23rd at home.  It was heavenly!

Lilly was all about the sparkling apple cider!

Best way to end the night with hot chocolate and a movie

Christmas #3 - Herman Christmas - December 24th.

Christmas #4 - Christmas at Grandma Kusch's house - December 25th

Yep, my brother took my phone.

We went to see Mary Poppins Returns and Wreck It Ralph Breaks the Internet the day after Christmas

On December 27th we went to see Aladdin at the Detroit Opera House

Attachment 101

There are many aspects of adoption that are understood to adoptive families, but not to those unfamiliar with adoption.  Attachment is one of those topics.  Each adoption book, webinar, or class mentions or focuses entirely on attachment. It is a BIG DEAL in the life of an adopted child.  Biological children form a connection with their mother while they are in the womb.  They hear her, smell her, know her intimately.  When a child is adopted, regardless of the age, the bond that they had with their biological parent is broken.  The child needs to form a new bond with their caregiver.  Some children, primarily those in foster care, or international adoption, have to form a new bond several different times.  Those connections can be complicated when a child is in an orphanage and doesn't receive the physical care they need.  Now fast forward to the moment a child is adopted... the attachment process starts with the new family.  The adoptive parents have to first help their child grieve their losses.  Regardless of what condition they came from, the child grieves what they know as normal - the smells, the sounds, the voices of the people they know.  Grieving is very important, because if grief is not dealt with in this stage, in a healthy way, then it will show up later in life and can be harmful to future relationships and the health of the child.  While helping the child grieve, the adoptive parents need to form the new bonds with the child.  Parents are very deliberate in their attempts to attach.  It's a delicate dance of getting to know each other.  The primary focus of the adoptive parent is to reassure the child that their needs will be met.  When I'm hungry - I get fed.  When I need changed - my parent does that.  When I need to be comforted - my mom and dad fill that hole for me.  It is so important that the child knows who their parents are.  That is why most adoptive families have a 'nesting in' period.  They want to show off their child to the world, but until the child's immediate world is secure, other people should not be introduced into their lives.  This includes extended family.  That is a very hard part, because most adoptive parents are exhausted, physically and emotionally and want outside help.  But, they know their child needs to recognize mom and dad before anyone else. It may seem odd, but an adoptive parent will not let you hold their child, change or feed their child. They may not even leave the house for a period of time.  The child determines the length of this period of time.  There's no set timeframe.  What is normal for one child may not be for another.
Even though the adoptive family is attaching, and does not desire new people to be introduced to their child yet, you can still help them out.
* Offer to make them a meal or provide waiter on the way.
* Take the other children in the family to do something fun.  They may feel put to the side as the parents spend time with the new baby.
* Call them to reassure them there is life out there.
* Pray for them, be patient as they go through this process, and try to understand the amount of healing taking place during this time.
Attachment is a beautiful part of adoption.  It is a time of growth and grace for all involved!

Christmas Letter 2018

December 2018

Dear Family & Friends,

The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are over all His works.  Psalm 145:9

O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; For His lovingkindness is everlasting.

 1 Chronicles 16:34

We hope this letter finds you well, that you are enjoying the Christmas season with the ones you love, and that you are reminded of how much God loves you!  This time of year, we reflect on what we are thankful for.  We have so many things to be thankful for, but are especially grateful for God’s loving kindness to us.  We are underserving of His grace.  Yet despite our wretched state, he sent his Son to save us from our sins.  We have the gift of eternal life.   We take comfort in this truth.  May you also take comfort in knowing that God is good and faithful to his promises.  He has promised that He will carry us through this life of sin and unfairness and we will be with him in Heaven forever. As the women in Kenya say… God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.  It is his nature.

We have had a busy year!  We started the year working on our homestudy for our adoption from South Korea.  Liam and Lilly both played Upwards basketball during the winter months. Liam perfected his defense skills, and Lilly proved to be very aggressive and great on offense. Liam continues to take karate and has moved up to a new class. Lilly continues to take ballet, tap, and trick (tumbling) class. Both kids are doing well in school. Liam loves to read and especially loves to read Historical Fiction. His favorite subject is still Science, although I would venture to say History is a close second. Liam is kind to everyone and it is easy to see why everyone loves him. He’s a neat kid to spend time with and talk to. We often comment on how blessed we are to have him as our son. Lilly loves school. Her determination is evident in everything she does. She has become an excellent writer.  She is also very artistic.  She has a great talent for drawing.  She has taught us a great deal about resilience.  She takes on any challenge with determination.

At the beginning of May, we took a trip to San Francisco for the Thrivent conference. While Dave was in the conference, the kids and I ventured through the city.  We navigated the trolleys and buses and saw as much as we could.   Dave did have some time to sight see with us. Grandma Kusch, Uncle Rick, and Uncle Rem were on the trip as well. The highlights included Pier 39, a boat tour of the Golden Gate Bridge, riding the trolley, and a trip to Muir Woods.  We were fascinated with the splendor of the giant trees.  It was truly an amazing experience.

In June, right after school got out, we took a trip to Virginia with Grandma Kusch.  We stayed in Williamsburg and saw Historic Williamsburg, Monticello, Mount Vernon, and spent a day at Virginia Beach.  Then we parted ways with Grandma and went on to Maryland to stay with Dave’s sister, Julie, and her family.  We spent two very full days sightseeing in Washington DC.  The kids soaked up the history.  It was a great trip.  We are so glad to have kids that travel well and enjoy learning! 

In July, Liam and I participated in drama camp at Concordia High School.  It was good for Liam to come out of his shell a bit, and it was also nice to do an activity together. 

We also received word in July from our adoption agency that we have been matched with a little boy. We fell in love with him the minute we saw his face!  He is perfect in our opinion, and so cute! We then started the next phase of the adoption process, which includes a lot of waiting.  We get updates on his health and milestones and love to hear what he’s doing. We look forward to sharing more information with you as we near the end of the adoption process.  For now, we can tell you that he was born on December 31^st, 2017, and that he is healthy and doing well.  We are waiting for our case to be submitted to court and then we will get an idea of when we get to travel.  We will take one trip to fulfill all our court requirements, then we will travel again to bring him home about 3 weeks later. Please pray that this last phase of the adoption goes quickly and smoothly.

July was also an eventful month for me, as I traveled to Kenya, Africa with the Emanuel Mission Team.  It was a life changing event.  I could spend the whole letter talking about the experience.  I fell in love with the people.  Our team went to Point of Grace Academy. Point of Grace has 600 students. About 450 of the children live at the school year-round. They come from poor conditions. Some have lost their parents and some have unstable home lives.  Our team taught VBS to the children.  I was in charge of the music.  Hearing them sing was one of the highlights for me.  We also did projects around the compound.  Our team helped build a chicken coup, which is desperately needed, as the kids lack protein.  They rarely get to eat meat.  Having chickens will not only provide meat, but also eggs.  We painted some of the newer buildings.  We made home visits to the people in the community.  We gave love and attention to the kids and in return were given love.  They are remarkable kids with great teachers and a great support staff. Dennis and Lorna Meeker started this ministry with 23 kids in their own home and it has blossomed to an amazing ministry, giving children safety, an education, and teaching them about Christ.  While there, Dave and I decided to sponsor a child.  Our sponsor daughter is Mitchel Cathy.  She is a couple months older than Lilly.  She has the most beautiful smile.  She loves to sing and wants to be a teacher when she grows up.  If you want to know more about the trip or sponsorship, please check out our family blog.  There is a link to our team blog.

In September, we took our semi-annual trip to Disney World.  We went early and spent time at Legoland, Kennedy Space Center, and Cocoa Beach. Then we met the rest of my family at Disney World. It was magical, as Disney always is.  It was an especially fun trip because both kids were tall enough to ride the rides.  We rode as many as possible.  We made the most of each day and made some great family memories.  The next time we go to Disney we will have a stroller again!

At the end of November Lilly and I went with Grandma Kusch, Aunt Anna, and Verona to New York City for a girl’s weekend. We shopped, saw the Rockettes, saw Frozen the musical, ate at great restaurants, took a carriage ride through Central Park, and had tea at the Russian Tea Room.  It was a whirlwind trip, but so much fun.

In addition to all our adventures, we’ve enjoyed all our ordinary days too.  We are very blessed.  We are so thankful that God has brought us together as a family and we look forward to being a family of 5.  We thank God for his goodness!

You can keep up with our family throughout the year by visiting our blog at – www.davetiffanyliamlillyherman.blogspot.com.

Merry Christmas!

Love, The Hermans