Patience and Control

I always thought patience was a virtue I possessed, not that I was perfect at it, but that I tend to be a patient person in general. Well, over the last five years I have realized that I may not be as patient as I once thought. I have learned a great deal about myself and I know I have several things I need to work on. For instance, I love things to be well-planned and organized. I guess you could say I love to have control. I have learned that there are very few things I have control over. Right now, I am struggling with patience and control. I think it is because I am in a waiting period of life. It has been almost a year since we put our names back on the adoption list and nothing has come from it and there seems to be no potential in the near future. I truly understand and believe that God's timing and plan are perfect. We experienced that with Liam's arrival. Liam is nearly two and I really want him to have an adopted sibling. I want another child, but I especially want another adopted child. I want Liam to share his journey with someone who understands and I know that Liam will be a great big brother, friend, and mentor for his sibling. I guess if I knew what God had planned and the timeframe he has established, it would be easier to wait. Waiting can be discouraging and is especially hard when you don't know what's at the end of the your waiting. I must admit that I have had doubts and have wondered if we are even pursuing the right adoption. I wonder if God is calling us to adopt internationally and that is why we aren't getting any closer to adopting domestically. I wonder if we need to branch out and try adopting a baby outside our agency's borders. There are so many whys and what ifs. I am sure I asked the same questions while we waited for Liam. I just keep reminding myself that God knows the complete picture. He is the one who designed our family and our story. I am just praying that He provides us with clear answers and direction as we try to follow His will. In the mean-time we are enjoying the miracle Liam is to our lives. We are thankful for him every minute of every day. I hope that we are bringing God glory as we wait. And, I will strive to be patient because I know God is in complete control.