Contentment

^{Phillipians 4:11-12}

¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

I am a planner.  Some might say I am Type A or OCD.  I like things to be organized.  I have peace when everything is in order.  Life experiences have taught me that there are things beyond my control.  The road to having children has been completely beyond my control.  Adoption is one long trust exercise.  You have control about how you fill out paperwork, but that's about it.  You can't control the guidelines, the officials in how they process paperwork, the wait for a referral, or the wait to travel.  Only God, the Master Planner, has control over all that.  You just have to trust that God knows what He's doing and will guide you through the wait.  Our wedding verse, Jeremiah 29:11, was so meaningful in those periods of wait.  I learned a great deal about myself through those experiences.  Letting go of the vision I had of "perfection" was a huge deal for me.  Looking back, I can see how all those tedious details all fit together so perfectly and it makes sense.  It is true that God is able to do immeasurably more than we could hope or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).  There are months that our financial well is dry (adoption can do that to you).  There are months when we feel more at ease with finances and think maybe we're getting our heads above water.  In each of those circumstances, God's hand of provision has been with us.  

And now, we are on the edge of uncertainty.  We feel God nudging us, but are uncertain what that means.  We are wondering if it's time to physically move to a new house, which is scary and challenging, but also exiting.  Are we meant to adopt again?  Looking at the numbers, there is no possible way we could afford another adoption right now, but we had always said we wanted 3-4 kids.  Is this nudging for now, or is God starting us on a coarse that will take place years from now?  Is our family complete and God is calling us to new ministry avenues?  Don't you just wish God would send you an e-mail with his plan all typed up?  I do, but then again, I don't.  I know that I've grown the most in my waiting stages of life.  I can tell you that I am CONTENT.  I honestly am.  Whether we stay in this house until we enter a nursing home, or move to a larger home, I'm cool with that.  Whether we have 1-2 more children, or just the 2 amazing ones we have now, I'm OK with that too.  God made me the planner I am and He has given me opportunities to perfect my skill of organization.  He delights in me and all my quirks.  After all, He created me.  He also has a master plan for our family.  Whatever that plan holds for us, it will be perfect, because He is perfect.  It has taken me 32 years to get to this place, and heaven knows, there's more work to be done.  But, what a freeing feeling contentment is!  I am not naive to think that our lives will be smooth sailing.  This isn't heaven.  However, I do know that regardless of whether we are on the mountaintop or in the valley, God's with us.  The creator of our unique family, knows the destination.  We are praying that we follow His path.  And now, we wait...