I have never considered myself the athletic type. I had always been involved in athletic activities, such as dance and cheerleading. However, I always had high standards of what an athlete should be and I certainly did not live up to those standards. I also never really had success with dieting. I went through a phase in junior high where I ate nothing but rice cakes and did ballet every waking moment. Then, came puberty and my body blossomed and I embraced my new figure. I slowly gained weight over the years. It was so gradual that I hardly noticed it happening. I gained some weight with the twins, but gained even more weight during the four fertility treatments we tried after the twins. Once we decided to stop trying to get pregnant and apply for adoption, I knew I needed to make a change. I was carrying around extra emotional weight along with the extra pounds. I began working out 5-6 days a week. I also started my own version of Weight Watchers. I took what I learned from other people who had done the program and adapted it to fit my lifestyle. My transformation was like another job for me. I really poured everything I could into it. I think it really helped me while I waited for Liam. There was so much I didn't have control of in my life that it was good to have control over something. It was good to feel successful. I also said goodbye to my emotional weight that was weighing me down. In fact, I often prayed and cried while I worked out - I was turning my pain over to God and letting Him turn me into the person He wanted me to be. I can only imagine what people thought of me at the gym. The Devil tried to derail me so many times by telling me all the lies he had told me over the last two years, but I kept with it. Over the course of 10 months I lost 35 pounds. At some point I would like to lose 10-20 more pounds. That is a little more of a challenge now, since most days I am lucky to get a shower in let alone a workout. However, I am maintaining my weight, which is good. I hope this post does not sound like I am bragging. That is not my intent. I have never thought of myself as a vain person - my perfectionism will never allow me to get to that point. I just want to prove that it is possible, and with God's help I am able to start this new chapter in my life as a much healthier person physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Before
me at my heaviest (May 2009)
You can just see the pain in my eyes - my friends often commented that the sparkle was gone from my eyes - it took time, and God's grace to get that back.
After
me at my skinniest (so far)
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