Christmas Cards

I am very excited to send out Christmas cards this year as a family of three (four if you count Daisy).  My sister-in-law Anna has agreed to take our family photo this weekend, while we visit for Thanksgiving.  She has a nice camera and has taken great pictures in the past.  We have outfits all picked out.  I am planning on using Shutterfly: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards.  I used them for Liam's birth announcements and his Gotcha Party Invitations: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birthday-invitations.  Both projects turned out to be really cute.  For Father's day I made custom mugs with Liam's baptism picture: http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/photo-mugs.  I enjoy receiving Christmas cards with pictures.  It helps me document how families have changed and expanded.  It is fun to look back at the cards from past years.

Shutterfly always has great deals too.  Right now bloggers get 50 free holiday cards! You can sign up here: http://bit.ly/sfly2010.  There are so many to choose from, and they are so cute.  Here are a few I like...

At Last!

We have so much to be thankful for.  Today we finalized Liam's adoption and he legally became our son. Thank you for your prayers throughout our journey, for your support, and for those who donated financially to Liam’s adoption.  We could not have taken this journey without you.  Thank you especially for loving Liam and accepting him unconditionally as part of our family.

We have learned so much over the past four and a half years.  Some of the lessons were not ones we desired to learn, but we are so thankful that God has polished our rough edges and has been gracious to us, despite our lack of faith at times and our stubbornness to follow our own plan rather than His.  Last Easter, as I sat by the grave of our oldest sons, I said a simple prayer, “God if it doesn’t get better than this, then I am done.”  I was so tired.  I rejoiced that my two little lambs were celebrating with their Savior, but I didn’t get what God was waiting for.  Less than a week later I got my answer.  And it seemed as though God was saying, “See, for the last nine months I have been protecting this precious one and orchestrating the plans I have for your family.” 

This week as I have been reflecting on all God has done, a couple verses have been brought to my attention.  The first is Jeremiah 29:11-12, which was read at our wedding - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  This verse has brought us comfort and has proven itself to be true time and time again.  The second is Esther 4:14 - 
And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?  I am not sure how God will use our sorrow, pain, and joy.  But I do know that God brought us through all our pain for such a time as this.  He planned for Liam to be our son all along and it is a perfect fit.

I have included the letter we wrote to Liam and put in his scrapbook along with the letter that we wrote to Liam's birthmother.

Dear Sweet Liam,

            Today you have legally become our son.  It is the best day of our lives!  We thank God every day for letting us be your parents.  You exceed all our expectations and have all the qualities that we wanted in a son.  You are our Samuel, our miracle, and our joy.  We hope you always know how much we love you and how we have loved being your parents.  You fill our lives with silly, loving, and dear moments.  We are very proud of you.  We pray that God will give us the wisdom, discernment, and courage to be the kind of parents you deserve, and that you never doubt our love for you.

            Your life will be blessed, but at times it will be hard.  Liam, you have a God that loves you even more than we do.  He loves you so much that he died so you can spend eternity in heaven.  Your older brothers, Christopher and Connor, are already there.  Our greatest goal as your parents is to help you realize God’s love for you, and encourage your faith, so we can all join your brothers someday.  God has already begun a great story with your life.  We know He will do great things through you and we can’t wait to see what those things are.

            Today, we want you to know that your birthmother loved you so much to give you life and give you to us.  We will always be thankful for her and will continue to pray for her.  She is an important part of your journey.

            Liam, today we have to so much to be thankful for!  Thank you for being our son and for filling our hearts the way only you can.

We love you,

Mom & Dad

Dear (Birthmother),

           

      We understand and appreciate that you do not desire contact and we realize that you may never read this letter.  However, we feel compelled to write this as much for our benefit as yours.  We want to express to you our deepest gratitude.  We are so thankful for you.  You have given us the best gift anyone could have ever given us.  Thank you for giving this amazing, brilliant, and beautiful boy life.  Thank you for choosing us and giving us the opportunity to be parents.  You have made our greatest dream a reality.  Having a son has completely changed our lives for the better.  We continually keep you in our prayers.  We pray that God will bless you and that you will have peace that you made the right decision.  As our son grows we will tell him how much you loved him and that you wanted the best for him.  We promise you that we will provide him with the best life possible.  We will shower him with love and encourage his faith. 

Our most heartfelt thanks,

David & Tiffany

Preparing

Dave and I are preparing for a wonderful event this Friday.  Liam Everett Herman will legally become our son as we finalize his adoption.  We are doing many things to prepare for this amazing event.  I have been working on Liam's scrapbook and writing down my thoughts for him as well as writing a letter to his birthmother - I may share those later.  As I am working on writing these emotional letters I have been looking back at the other letters I have written over the past two and half years.  Below is the first letter I wrote on this journey.  I am amazed to see how far God has brought us.  It is evident that I was writing with His strength and not my own.  As we celebrate this milestone as a family, we also remember the members of our family that aren't able to celebrate with us, but will be rejoicing with us in heaven.


This was written the summer our sons died...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven; a time to be born and a time to die.”
I wanted you to know what is happening in this season of our lives. On May 31st I noticed some abdominal pain. After the pain worsened, I called the doctor and they urged me to come into the hospital right away. I was having contractions. They tried all night to stop them, but my body went into labor. At 7:42am on June 1st my beautiful son, Christopher David, was born. He was too small to save (He was 6oz and 8in). Dave and I were able to hold his small body in our arms. At 9:43am I delivered his identical twin brother, Connor Dennis (He was 7oz and 8in). My sons only had to be apart for two hours. We held both boys in our arms. We watched as God peacefully took Connor to be with Him and his brother. We could feel his heart stop beating by putting our finger on his chest. My sons felt no pain, sorrow, or fear. They never even cried (since their lungs weren’t developed yet). Our boys were perfect. They looked exactly like their father. They were perfectly formed even though they were only 18 weeks along. They even had all their fingernails and toenails. The nurse we had was wonderful. She got clothes for the boys, got their handprints and footprints, and gave us a disposable camera. I was rushed to surgery for a D&C (even though I had delivered everything, I had some scar tissue from a hemorrhage I had earlier in the pregnancy). When I woke up from surgery the pastor that married us was at my bedside. My mom, dad, and two brothers were also there. Pastor Zeckzer baptized the boys. We take such comfort in knowing that God is holding our sons in His arms.
The funeral was held on June 7th. We put both boys in one casket. They had never been apart and we wanted them to be together now. The funeral was beautiful. So many people showed up. The adult choir asked if they could sing. All three of our pastors wanted to be a part of the service. They wanted to mourn with us, but also show us how much we meant to them. All three pastors cried with us. We buried our sons in the church cemetery. They are in the company of all their Herman relatives that have passed away. Dave and I bought the plot next to the boys so that we can be buried next to them someday.
We are obviously still grieving. The doctors can offer us no explanation as to why this happened. The pregnancy was difficult (as pregnancy with twins often is), but there is no medical explanation why this happened. The boys were perfectly healthy and I had no problems. We are trusting that God’s timing is perfect and that He has a plan for us, even though we do not know what it is. We had waited two years to get pregnant with our sons and were only able to after fertility help. We wonder if God will ever let us be parents. We had just celebrated our fourth anniversary when this happened. Our relationship has grown because of this and we are determined to stay together. 98% of marriages that suffer the loss of a child end in divorce. We are determined not to let Satan win that battle. We have stored up two treasures in Heaven. Nothing can take that away from us. Death may have taken our boys, but God has secured their future. We look forward to holding our sons again someday, but know that God is not finished with us yet. Our sons’ short lives have been a witness to so many people. I can’t even tell you all the times that God has opened doors for us to talk about our faith. There were many mothers at the funeral that never had a chance to hold their children when they died. This includes my mother-in-law. For them the funeral was a way to reassure them that their precious children are in heaven. They could get closure themselves. Dave has had many opportunities through work, and even in our own neighborhood, to share his faith.
Please pray for us as our broken hearts mend and we try to figure out what God’s plan is for us. I had resigned from my job at Central and they had already called another second grade teacher before this happened. I have no job for next school year. I am not sure which direction God is leading me. I am trying to find things to do this summer to keep me busy (one of which is being Dave’s secretary). I still find myself breaking down at random times. Small things will remind me of my sons and I will cry. My body and soul are still healing. I don’t think the hole in my heart will ever heal. I will always miss my boys. I know God will never leave me or forsake me. He is walking with me through this valley of death. It is hard for me to verbalize my sadness, but I know God understands it and weeps with me.
1 Corinthians 13:12 “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I have had to cling to God’s word along with the words of other mothers that have suffered loss. This is now the journey that I must take. I wanted you to know about our journey so that you could pray for us, but also so you would know our pride in our sons.

Liam's Sixth Month

Make your own scrapbooking design

Mr. Personality

Last weekend we went up to Michigan to celebrate my birthday.  Liam loves visiting Grandma & Grandpa Kusch and Uncle Rick & Aunt AnnaMaria, because they fuss all over him.  I asked Rick & Anna to change Liam before we left on Sunday.  What happened next was an impromptu photo shoot.  Here are the results...

Liam would have made a cute girl.

Oh, this is so silly!

Now that's more like it.  

I'm sure he will wear many more bow-ties in his lifetime.

He sure knows how to be cute.

What a fun time!

(Notice - lunch on his onesie - the reason he needed changed)

So surprised!

Liam where are your toes?  There they are.

Birthday Reflection

This year, as I celebrate my birthday, I have to marvel at how God has directed my steps over the last year.  One year ago today, I was thrilled with the news that a birthmother had chosen us to adopt her child.  Because our social workers do not share news unless they are certain a placement will be made, we were optimistic that we would receive a baby the first week of November.  As I blew out my candles last year, I had one simple prayer, "God please give me a baby."  Later that week we would learn that the birthmother changed her mind after realizing that she had a daughter.  As heartbreaking as it was, to once again have a delay in our plans, I felt peace that the little girl was not meant to be ours.  You see, I felt deep in my heart that God had a son in mind for us.  I would have been thrilled to have a daughter, but I sensed that God was going to give us a son (my Samuel).  I had dreams about a little blue eyed, toe headed boy with a big smile.  Now that Liam has entered our lives, I can't imagine having any other child.  He was worth the wait.  I am not sure why God let us have disappointment last November, after all we had already been through, but I am certain that He worked everything out for our good.  He knew the desires of my heart and fulfilled my dreams.  So, this November I celebrate God's grace and faithfulness.  I will squeeze my little miracle and smother him with kisses.  Thank you God for my present this year!