Beauty

Now that I am preparing to be the mother of a daughter, I think about how I will portray beauty to Lilly.  I have always struggled with my perceptions of beauty, which I believe is common for most women.  I have struggled with never feeling thin enough or pretty enough.  I have been fat and thin and somewhere in-between.  I have been tan and fair, have had highlights, and trendy hair styles.  I have strived to be what I see on magazine covers and have NEVER been satisfied.  Even at my skinniest, I wanted to look more toned and felt inadequate.  I now believe that my outward beauty means nothing and I don't want it to.  When I'm dead and gone I doubt people will say, "She was really pretty."  And if they do, what kind of legacy am I leaving?  I want people to look at me and see beyond my physical appearance and see my soul.  When people look at me, I want them to see Jesus within me.  When I'm dead and gone, I want them to remember me for who Christ made me as His daughter.  I am thankful for this shell that God has given me and I try to be a good steward of His gifts.  I am not saying I should be neglectful of this body that God has entrusted to me.  Lilly will look different than me.  What will my obsession with my beauty teach her about her own beauty and self-worth?  To me she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world.  She has not had to earn it.  I love her just because she is who she is.  That is exactly how God, my Father, sees me.  Lately, I have heard Him whisper to me, "I love you, I have called you by name, you are mine (Isaiah 43:1).  You are not mine because of the number on the scale, you are not mine because of the wrinkles forming around your eyes, you are not mine because of  the color of your skin, or the length of your hair.  You are mine because of what Christ has done for you.  You are my child, stop worrying about your appearance."  So, I am making an effort to work on my inward beauty.  This is a daily struggle, because that is not always beautiful.  My sinful nature makes me very ugly at times.  However, Christ came and died to forgive that ugliness.  I want my daughter to know her worth comes from the one who created the universe and that she will always be beautiful to me, her father, her brother, and her Father in Heaven.  That dear Lilly, is all that matters!
I think this song does a great job of expressing this journey to beauty.

Update on Liam's Heart

Today, Liam visited his pediatric cardiologist.  It was a good appointment.  Liam is always so well behaved.  He is familiar with the routine of getting his echocardiogram and waiting to see the doctor.  He especially loves the nurses, and they, of course, love him.  He made one of them giggle today.  He brought his space shuttle and launch pad with him.  As the nurse put in Toy Story for him to watch during his echocardiogram, he said, "To the space station, and beyond!"  I thought that was clever.
Anyway, here are the updates from today -

Height - 39.5 inches tall
Weight - 39.4 pounds

Hole between the upper chambers
When we first starting seeing the cardiologist, Liam's hole was 3mm in size.  It is now 2mm in size, which leads the doctor to believe that the hole will continue to close over the next 2-4 years.  It is so small that it is not a cause for alarm even if it doesn't close all the way.  For reference, the head of a screw, or the thickness of 2 dimes, is about 2mm in size.

Coarctation of the Aorta

The aorta at the top of Liam's heart is narrowed, which affects the flow of blood to the heart.  As Liam has grown, and his heart has grown, the aorta has actually been widening the narrowed section on its own.  This is a miracle!  We were told that if Liam ever did need surgery, this would be where the surgery would need to take place.  However, because Liam's body is healing itself, his need for surgery has gone down drastically.  The doctor cannot promise that he will never need surgery, but if his body continues on the path it's going, surgical intervention will not be needed.  The aorta is still narrowed a bit, but we can be optimistic that it won't negatively affect his heart in the future.

Fused Left Ventricle Valve

His valve has two parts instead of three.  As Liam's heart was growing, while he was in the womb, two parts (finger-like valves) fused together.  The valves move to let blood in and out of the chambers.  Because Liam's valve is missing a part, some blood leaks out.  This occurrence creates a murmur.   Our doctor explained that the valve is like a door.  In Liam's case the door can't shut completely.  However, it is shutting enough to do its job.  This will not heal on its own.  However, Liam can live with this and be perfectly fine.  If at some point his valve leaks more blood, then we will be concerned. It has been stable since our first visit, so we don't anticipate it being a problem.

Liquid around the Heart

To protect his heart when sick, Liam's body builds up fluid around the heart.  Even though Liam has been sick recently, no fluid was found around his heart.

There was good news all around today, which we are SO thankful for.  We will not need to see the cardiologist until next year.  As we celebrate Liam's good news, we also look ahead to Lilly's various surgeries and therapies.  We finally feel like 'experts' on Liam's heart and are now entering a new realm of medical concerns.  Despite being a bit anxious about what's in store for Lilly, we know that God will provide us with the right support medically.  We also know that there is a master plan at work through our numerous doctor's visits.  Liam's heart condition opened our minds and hearts to adopting a special needs child.  Our experiences with Lilly's conditions will make a difference too.  Maybe, a nurse, doctor, or other patient, need to be introduced to Lilly and our family.  We know for a fact that Liam makes an impact every time we visit the doctor and God will use this part of his story to impact others.

Care Package to Lilly

We are so excited to be able to send Lilly a care package and a little taste of home!  We are sending her a pink sundress with white sweater and white shoes, a small white headband, disposable camera, a baby friendly photo album with pictures of us, a small version of her blanket, and a recordable book (read by mom and dad).  The words to the book are so sweet and fit perfectly.  I have included the words below.

Under the Same Moon

A Story for Loved Ones Near and Far

By: Suzanne Berry

I see the moon and the moon sees me,

and the moon sees somebody I'd like to see.

Please let the light that shines on me 

shine on the ones I love.

I see the stars twinkle soft and bright,

winking a promise to me tonight:

they'll keep watch while you sleep tonight

and smile on you with love.

I see the clouds drifting softly by

as they carry these wishes across the sky.

I hope they bring sweet dreams tonight

to the precious ones I love.

I hear the wind as it moves through the trees,

crossing the distance between you and me.

It slips in your window, soft as can be,

and tucks you in with love.

I hear the crickets and the frog-song rise

as their sleepy serenade fills the moonlit skies.

It drifts all around as you close your eyes

and sings to you with love.

I hear an owl hoot "who, who, who?"

asking who I love and who loves me, too.

I smile as I answer, "It's you, you, you,"

you are the one I love.

Over the mountains and over the sea,

together with you I wish I could be.

Please let the light that shines on me

shine on the ones I love.

Conversations with Liam

Lately, I have found myself chuckling at what comes out of Liam's mouth.  Sometimes. he says things and I think, "Where did that come from?"  Here are some examples -

Liam (while helping to make waffles) - "Mom, those are beautiful!"

Liam - "What's on my hand Mom?"
Mom - "That's Vicks.  We put it on your chest to help with your cough. Some of it must have gotten on your hand."
Liam - "Well, it sure is sticky alright!"

This morning I overheard Liam say this statement to his toy car -
"Mcqueen, you made that decision."

One of Liam's favorite phrases right now is "Be careful!"  I think he has heard that a time or two.

Liam is also in the habit of singing all day.  Who says life isn't like a musical? We have singing and dancing throughout the day, often for little, ordinary things.  When Liam went with me to the grocery store Friday he sang his hello song to people we passed.  He kept singing, "Hello, hello, hello and how are you?"  

Liam brings us a lot of joy... and entertainment!

Care Package Pictures

While we wait on news about our I-800, we have been working on our care package for Lilly.  At Christmas we bought shirts with Chinese symbols on them.  We thought it would be cute to send Lilly pictures of us in the shirts.  So, tonight we attempted to get some pictures.  Here are the best ones -

Tested

Isaiah 48:10

See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I believe that when we try to do God's will, the devil tries to make our efforts harder.  I shouldn't be surprised.  However, it seems like we are being tested when it comes to finances.  It is no secret that adoption, specifically international adoption, is expensive.  We have made sacrifices, saved, and fundraised to help fund Lilly's adoption.  We have really tried to be good stewards of what God has given us.  We were not anticipating all the financial hiccups along the way.  Fixing the washing machine, fixing the thermostat, having dental work done, owing in taxes, and fixing the windshield of the van (to name a few) were not in the budget or plan.  We know that God has CALLED us to adopt and that He will make it possible, since it is His will.  We have really had to learn to trust him.  That can be very hard, especially for planners like us.  In the big scheme of things, suffering a little financially, isn't the worst way to be tested, nor will it derail our plans.  We have had to trust completely in God's plan and provision.  Just when we think we may be in trouble, God provides.  There have been multiple times when we've needed to make a payment and the money has shown up.  We have seen the hands of God through our family and friends.  This has been so humbling.  It is not comfortable to ask for help.  However, in allowing others to help us, we have seen Jesus.  We have put aside our pride for the Glory of God, because we know He is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever imagine.  Thank you to those who have shown me what the love of God looks like.  Those of who you have lifted us up in prayer, have offered encouragement, and have donated financially, have shown me what love looks like, and for that, I am so thankful.  Thank you for loving our daughter!  May God continue to have the glory, even in the midst of this temptation!!
1 Samuel 12:24
But be sure to fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you.

LOA

We have reached another milestone in the adoption process.  Yesterday, we got this e-mail -

Dear Tiffany and David,

Good news!  I just learned that your LOA arrived today.  It’s not even 30 days from the PA approval.  Congrats!!!

I’m very very excited.  Hope CCCWA people work as fast as this.

We had been preparing ourselves for a 2-4 month wait (according to our timeline).  Everything so far has gone SO WELL!  We are praying that everything continues to go just as smoothly.  According to our timeline, which is a rough estimate, we should anticipate to travel in 14-16 weeks.  This means that we may be traveling to China in time to celebrate our anniversary.

What's next...

* We will mail in our I-800 to our social worker today, along with our signed LOA.  Then, she will look it over and get that in the mail ASAP.

*  We are getting our care package ready for Lilly.  I bought her very first outfit last night!

*  March 24th we are having a Chicken Dinner Fundraiser to help with travel expenses.  More information will be coming about that.

We are just so humbled and thankful that God has chosen us to be the parents of this little girl.  We know we have some hard work ahead of us as a family, but know that God will equip us with the tools necessary.  Your prayers, as always, are appreciated!