Beauty

Now that I am preparing to be the mother of a daughter, I think about how I will portray beauty to Lilly.  I have always struggled with my perceptions of beauty, which I believe is common for most women.  I have struggled with never feeling thin enough or pretty enough.  I have been fat and thin and somewhere in-between.  I have been tan and fair, have had highlights, and trendy hair styles.  I have strived to be what I see on magazine covers and have NEVER been satisfied.  Even at my skinniest, I wanted to look more toned and felt inadequate.  I now believe that my outward beauty means nothing and I don't want it to.  When I'm dead and gone I doubt people will say, "She was really pretty."  And if they do, what kind of legacy am I leaving?  I want people to look at me and see beyond my physical appearance and see my soul.  When people look at me, I want them to see Jesus within me.  When I'm dead and gone, I want them to remember me for who Christ made me as His daughter.  I am thankful for this shell that God has given me and I try to be a good steward of His gifts.  I am not saying I should be neglectful of this body that God has entrusted to me.  Lilly will look different than me.  What will my obsession with my beauty teach her about her own beauty and self-worth?  To me she is the most beautiful girl in the entire world.  She has not had to earn it.  I love her just because she is who she is.  That is exactly how God, my Father, sees me.  Lately, I have heard Him whisper to me, "I love you, I have called you by name, you are mine (Isaiah 43:1).  You are not mine because of the number on the scale, you are not mine because of the wrinkles forming around your eyes, you are not mine because of  the color of your skin, or the length of your hair.  You are mine because of what Christ has done for you.  You are my child, stop worrying about your appearance."  So, I am making an effort to work on my inward beauty.  This is a daily struggle, because that is not always beautiful.  My sinful nature makes me very ugly at times.  However, Christ came and died to forgive that ugliness.  I want my daughter to know her worth comes from the one who created the universe and that she will always be beautiful to me, her father, her brother, and her Father in Heaven.  That dear Lilly, is all that matters!
I think this song does a great job of expressing this journey to beauty.