Reality Check

2 Thessalonians 1: 11-12

11 We constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 12 We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through him who gives me strength. 

Today, in the midst of temper tantrums, waiting rooms, and a therapy meeting, I asked myself, "Why did I think being a mother of two children, so close in age, was a good idea?"  I asked God if He was sure I was the right mom for the job.  I'll admit, I was having a little bit of a pity party.  I was thinking, "Why can't my son sit still and be quiet for more than one minute at a time?  Why can't my daughter let me go to the bathroom without crying?  Why does this have to be so much work and why did both children choose today to have meltdowns."  The morning started with a therapy meeting scheduled, then cancelled, then rescheduled.  That was followed by a failed nap-time and then a LONG wait at the doctor's office.  There was one temper tantrum after another.

Don't you just hate complaining?  I sure do!  After feeling sorry for myself, I took a breath, and told myself to stop fighting.  I felt like I was in a pit of resentment.  Like with quicksand, the more I tried to wriggle myself out, the more I got stuck.  So, it was time to give it up to God. The verses above came to mind.  It was time to thank God for the blessings of the day.

Dear God,

- Thank you God that I have an amazingly creative son, who is so imaginative, he has so much to say.  Thank you that he is healthy enough to show so much energy.

- Thank you that my daughter is so attached to me that I am her security and person of safety.  Thank you that she sees me as her mom.

- Thank you that at the therapy meeting we learned that our insurance will cover the co-pay.  Thank you that Lilly will get the help that she needs!

- Thank you for a husband that shoulders my burdens with me and who takes an active role in our marriage and with our children.

- Thank you that you listen to my doubts, and encourage me.  Thank you for allowing me to be a mom.  Please help me do it with GRACE. Amen.  

My Starfish

I have heard this story several times, but I have been thinking about it a lot lately...

The Starfish Story

By City Year

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

 

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

 

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,

 

“Well, I made a difference to that one!”

 

The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved. - adapted from the Star Thrower by Loren C. Eiseley

There are so many children who need loving families.  The number of orphans around the world is staggering.  Our adoptions are not even a drop in the bucket.  However, I know that many people's lives will be touched because of our children.  They have been granted life for a purpose and I look forward to witnessing the ways God will use them.  Sometimes, I get overwhelmed by the large number of children who need parents, and I am glad that I could help at least two of them.  My daily goal is to make a difference for these two little Starfish of mine.

Lilly's Doctor Visit

Lilly met Dr. Bollier today.  We all love our pediatrician, Dr. Bollier.  He is a wonderful doctor and great man.  He is genuinely happy for our family!  Liam was excited to see his buddy again.
Lilly weighs 19.8 pounds (5%) and is 30.5 inches tall (5%).  Dave and I chuckled when we saw her height and weight on her growth chart.  Liam's dots have always been on the top of the arc, so it's different to see dots on the bottom of the arc.  We are happy for a big healthy boy and sweet petite girl.  We mentioned we were concerned that Lilly keeps getting red bumps all over her body that come and go.  She's had them since we were in China.  We thought it was due to sensitive skin.  It turns out Lilly has a viral infection and the symptom is hives.  I'm not surprised, since I got sick too.  So, we will give her doses of Benadryl for the next 5 days and see if that helps.  The poor girl has been sick this whole time.  We also mentioned that she keeps tugging at her ear.  Ear fluid and infections are common in children with cleft palates.  She had some fluid.  This will be checked by the ENT doctor at her cleft clinic.
Liam was a great big brother.  He sat next to Lilly through her whole check-up.  He even held her hand when she got vaccines.  He sympathetically cried with her.  He doesn't like seeing his sister sad and in pain.  So, Dave held Lilly and I held Liam and we let them be sad for a minute.
After finishing up at the doctor's office we headed over to the hospital for blood work.  We decided we might as well get everything done in one day.  The hospital is near the doctor's office, and Dave's office, so it was really convenient.  This time Liam stayed in the waiting room with Dad, which was a good choice.  Dave and Liam also spent some time at the park near by and went for a walk (we waited for quite a while).  The blood tests will check for any diseases that Lilly could have contracted in China.

waiting for the doctor to arrive

playing in the waiting room at the hospital

Being a big brother is tough work.  

poor girl - tough day

Once we got home Liam wasn't quite ready to get up yet.

snuggles for a tired, sore girl

Starting Point

About three weeks ago, when we first got Lilly, we were shocked with the lack of muscle strength she had.  We knew that this was a possibility.  However, Lilly's updates said she was walking, at least a little bit.  When I lifted her the first day to a standing position, she fell to the floor and her legs became like jelly.  She could hold on to furniture and take small steps, but was not cruising.  After seeing her pictures from the orphanage we know that she was walking in a walker (which wasn't adjusted to her height), so she didn't have to hold up her own body weight.  Since day one we have been working on building those muscles.  She can now take 6-7 steps without holding on.
On Wednesday of this week we had First Steps out to assess her.  A speech therapist and occupational therapist did the assessment.  Because of Lilly's cleft palate I knew she would at least need speech therapy.  After two hours of assessing her, they gave me a list of all the areas where Lilly is behind.  Developmentally, she is where an average 11 month old would be.  I'll be honest, hearing the list made me choke up.  We have so much work ahead of us.  Poor Lilly has not been exposed to the things most children have.  I think I might have made a face, because one of the therapists said, "This list by no means says anything about her mental ability.  She has already made so much progress in the short time you've had her.  This list is just things we want to work on to get her caught up.  She just hasn't had the same start as most children in America.  By the end of the summer she'll be running!"  I breathed a sigh of relief.  I should know all this.  I make these type of speeches to parents of my students all the time.  It's just different being on the other end of the conference.  So, Lilly is now in a stimulating environment.  I now know what toys and activities to focus on with Lilly.  You can bet that we are not leaving the therapy just to the professionals.
As part of Lilly's attachment period, we are limiting our trips outside the house, and the amount of interaction with other people.  However, Liam and I can't stay cooped up inside, and yesterday was such a beautiful day, so we decided to go to the park.  We were the only people there for the first hour, which was great.  When people did arrive, Lilly was ready to be held, but Liam (my social little man) was excited to have 'big' kids to play with.

All aboard!  Conductor Liam and passenger Lilly.

Liam let Lilly have a turn driving.

Lilly doesn't like the feeling of grass, but we spend a little bit of time on it everyday.  She won't try to walk on grass.  At least she played with sticks today.

Liam loved being the conductor and checking out all the cars.

My big, strong boy - singing, and turning riding a duck into an adventure.

Lilly watched Liam having so much fun on the duck, she decided to give the raccoon a try.

Lilly explored the caboose.  This was an accomplishment, because she usually wants me near her or holding her all the time.  She actually felt comfortable enough to explore.

Big Brother Liam

Liam has transitioned well into the role of big brother.  It is so encouraging to think that Liam was not only meant to be a big brother, but he was meant to be Lilly's big brother.  Liam has made things easier for me by helping out.  He has made life easier for Lilly too.  Things that used to stress Lilly out are easier, and almost enjoyable, thanks to Liam.  Liam's intelligence and vocabulary will also be helpful to Lilly as she makes up her developmental delay.

Lilly, who once hated water, is playing right along with Liam!

Liam is showing Lilly his playhouse.

Lilly's not too sure about the feel of sand, but Liam is doing a great job of showing her how to play in the sandbox.

Thrivent sent us a bouquet of flowers complete with balloons for Liam and Lilly.  Liam's says Big Brother.  He is very proud.

Liam wants to help feed Lilly, but she would rather feed herself.

Liam showed Lilly the 'right' way to color.

Lilly will now sit on Liam's lap (for a little bit).

Lilly's first wagon ride was made easier by having Liam talk and sing all the way to the park.

Lilly hates her car seat, so Liam decided to hold her hand, which made her quit crying.

I needed a couple things from the store, so I strapped Lilly in the baby carrier, and Liam pushed the cart, and put items in.  He even pushed the cart to the van and loaded the bag into the van.

Lilly's Life in the Orphanage

We were not able to visit Lilly's orphanage when we were in China.  Kunshan, the town the orphanage was in, was three hours away from Nanjing.  We didn't think our first day with Lilly should be spent sitting for six hours in the van.  We were able to meet two of her care-givers and ask them questions.  We actually spent two days with them, so we were able to ask them more questions the second day after having Lilly for one night.  We have had a glimpse into what life was like for Lilly through pictures.  We sent a disposable camera in her care package and just got it developed.  We think Lilly was well liked!  She seems to have had many friends of various ages at the orphanage.  Here are some of the pictures they took of Lilly for us -

Lilly is looking at our pictures in her crib.

Kunshan is a wealthy city.  We are pretty impressed with the amount of play equipment available to the kids.

There were several pictures of Lilly with these three older kids.

There were also a great deal of pictures of Lilly is this walker.  This helps explain why her muscles are so weak.

Life As We Know It

Dave and I went 30 hours without sleep.  We weren't able to sleep on the plane because Lilly is a mover and she kept trying to roll off the seat.  So, we were exhausted when we got to Michigan.  Lilly is not on Indiana time AT ALL.  She seems like a different child when it's time to sleep.  In China she went down fine and slept through the night.  Here, she screams and yells at the top of her lungs.  She only wants to sleep if I am holding her in a chair.  She wakes up several times throughout the night.  It is exhausting.  We have tried everything to get her to sleep.  Dave and I haven't been feeling well.  We don't know if it's lack of sleep, airplane food, a bug, or all of that combined.  We really hope Lilly adjusts soon.  It's so hard to be patient when you're tired.  Thankfully, I have Dave.  I don't know what I would do without him.  He let me take a nap today, which was good for my body and spirit.  I love Lilly so much, but she is wearing me down this weekend.  This too shall pass, so I will just love her through this.  The truth is that adjustment is hard work and takes time.  We knew that going into it, but it's still human nature to get tired and discouraged.
On a happy note, Lilly was terrified of Daisy at first, but is warming up to her.  She is also playing well with Dave and Liam.  If I am in the room she wants me to hold her non-stop and whines if I am not giving her all my attention.  So, several times today I left so she couldn't see me and let her play with Dave and Liam without me there.  She was perfectly content.  I'm glad she is attached to me, but carrying her around all the time is not realistic.  I am trying to find the balance of when to give her attention and when to let her cry a little.
Liam has been a great big brother!  He has helped in so many ways.  He helps with whatever we ask him to do.  He is so patient and gentle with Lilly.  He is so happy to have mom and dad home.  Tonight, we asked him to take a bath with Lilly, so she wouldn't be scared.  He has shown her all the toys and how to use them.  It is clear that he was meant to be a big brother.  The only complaint he has is when she cries.  He says she is too loud. 

In Michigan I slept with both kids and let Dave sleep in another guest room.  Lilly didn't like the pack-n-play, and I was so tired, it was just easier to have both kids with me.

Liam shared his alphabet puzzle with Lilly.  This picture shows how they compare in size.

We're all tired, but happy to be together.

Liam showed Lilly how to play the piano.

Liam showed Lilly her room and all her toys (most of which used to be his).

Lilly took a bath without crying for the first time.  Thank you Liam!