Carol of the Bells - Celtic Woman

Celtic Woman / Chloe Agnew - ''O Holy Night''

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Grandma & Grandpa (Christmas 2007)

December 24th is my Grandmother Letsch's birthday.  She is such an amazing woman.  She raised six children (five of which were boys), helped Grandpa through school and in various careers, and has devoted endless hours to her family.  She is wonderful at baking.  One of my fondest memories is cooking with her in the kitchen.  To this day I still love making sugar cookies with her.  She is a devoted Vikings fan and watches every game she possibly can.  Being the baby of her family, she has always had a bit of a temper.    

Her strongest attribute is her faith.  She has had unwavering faith throughout her life and has passed that legacy on to her family.  She is a true prayer warrior.  When I need advice or just a word of encouragement, she always offers it without judgment.  I love her very much and am very thankful to have her as the matriarch of our family.  

four generations (me pregnant with the twins, my Mom, and Grandma) - May 2008

Christmas Letter

Dear Family & Friends,

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory… in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

            We pray that you are encouraged this Christmas season and reminded that God can do extraordinary things in ordinary situations.  God picked a lowly stable for the moment history changed forever and Christ dwelt with us.  He uses us, in spite of our sinful nature and lack of faithfulness, to carry out His purpose and plan.  Thanks to God, His plans are not our plans and His ways are not our ways.

            As we prepared to write this year’s letter we looked back over the letters we have written the past six years.  We are amazed at the journey God has carried us through, and how He continually provides us with the grace, patience, and strength we need for every circumstance.  This year has been a year of celebration and joy.

            We began 2010 once again waiting to learn God’s plan and trusting His timing.  Tiffany continued teaching Kindergarten at Holy Cross Lutheran School and worked two nights a week at Sylvan Learning Center.  She also took another class towards her Masters in Special Education and sold Mary Kay.  Dave continued working at Thrivent Financial for Lutherans.  Dave was also busy as the treasurer of the homeowners association, an usher and communion assistant at church, and on various committees at church.

            In March we learned that we were selected to proceed with our South Korean adoption through Bethany Christian Services.  We had been on a waiting list since April of 2009, when we began the adoption process.  Bethany is the only adoption agency currently taking couples for the South Korea program, and they only accept a dozen couples a year.  We felt that because we were selected as one of the few couples, God wanted us to continue with that adoption.  However, we could not be on two adoption lists at once.  We were on a domestic list with Lutheran Social Services since July 2009.  We talked to our social worker at Lutheran Social Services about our options.  We started attending meetings and working on homework for the Korea program, but hadn’t officially sent in our formal application.  We had the application all ready to mail in, but decided to wait until after Spring Break to mail it in.  We prayed that God would make His will clear for us.

            On Spring Break we went to Disney World.   It was a magical trip.  It is always so much fun to travel with Tiffany’s family.  While at the Magic Kingdom on April 9^th Tiffany received a phone call from Susie, our social worker with Lutheran Social Services.  She said they had received a “cold call” from a birthmother, she had picked us, and we had a son waiting for us at the hospital.  We tried to change our flight home, but were unable to do so.  We rented a car and drove eighteen hours through the night to try and get home in time for Liam to be discharged from the hospital.  Our social worker actually brought Liam to the house for us.  We would have had to drive another six hours once we were home to get to the hospital and back and Liam would have been waiting past his discharge time.  On April 10^th Liam arrived at our house.  It still amazes us how instantly we fell in love with him.  Once we held him we knew exactly what God’s plan had been all along.  Liam is such a miracle and an answer to prayer.  Life has been a whirlwind of milestones and memories since Liam’s arrival and we cherish every moment of it.  He is a big, strong boy.  He is consistently in the 90^th percentile for weight and height.  We, of course, think he is brilliant.  He has such a sweet and easy disposition.  He is also “all boy” and is very curious and energetic, especially now that he is mobile.  Tiffany is now officially a stay-at-home mom.  She is, however, still working on her Masters, occasionally substitutes, and sells Mary Kay.

            May was a great month.  On May 23^rd Liam was adopted as God’s son through baptism.  It was a great celebration and one we looked forward to for a long time.  On May 29^th we celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary and the twelfth year we have been together.

            In July Tiffany once again taught dance at Concordia High School’s drama camp.

            In September Dave organized a Kids Against Hunger event through Thrivent.  He raised enough funds, and recruited volunteers to package nearly 50,000 meals.  The meals were distributed in the community and across the world to starving children.  

            On November 19^th, we finalized Liam’s adoption.  November is National Adoption Awareness month so the court scheduled several adoptions for the same day.  Twenty other families finalized their adoptions that day.  We had a great time celebrating Liam’s Gotcha Day as our forever son.            

            Now we look forward to our first Christmas as a family of three and have a better understanding of how Mary pondered things and stored them in her heart.  We too are tucking many memories away in our hearts.  We still think of Christopher and Connor often, especially this time of year.  However, we think of them with joy, thank God we had the opportunity to be their parents, and look forward to our family reunion in heaven.  The journey we have taken has prepared us to be the kind of parents that Liam needs.  Adoption has changed our lives in so many ways and is such a great example of God’s love for each one of us.  The moment we met Liam, he stole our hearts and we would have died for him.  If we can have this kind of unconditional love, how much more does our Savior love us?

For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love, He  predestined us for adoption to sonship  through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will— to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. Ephesians 1:4-6

            We wish you a very merry Christmas and happy New Year.  We pray that God blesses you in unfathomable ways in 2011.

With Love,

David, Tiffany & Liam Herman

One Child - The Nativity

Liam's Seventh Month

Photo album personalized with Smilebox

Christmas Cards

I am very excited to send out Christmas cards this year as a family of three (four if you count Daisy).  My sister-in-law Anna has agreed to take our family photo this weekend, while we visit for Thanksgiving.  She has a nice camera and has taken great pictures in the past.  We have outfits all picked out.  I am planning on using Shutterfly: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards.  I used them for Liam's birth announcements and his Gotcha Party Invitations: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/birthday-invitations.  Both projects turned out to be really cute.  For Father's day I made custom mugs with Liam's baptism picture: http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-gifts/photo-mugs.  I enjoy receiving Christmas cards with pictures.  It helps me document how families have changed and expanded.  It is fun to look back at the cards from past years.

Shutterfly always has great deals too.  Right now bloggers get 50 free holiday cards! You can sign up here: http://bit.ly/sfly2010.  There are so many to choose from, and they are so cute.  Here are a few I like...

At Last!

We have so much to be thankful for.  Today we finalized Liam's adoption and he legally became our son. Thank you for your prayers throughout our journey, for your support, and for those who donated financially to Liam’s adoption.  We could not have taken this journey without you.  Thank you especially for loving Liam and accepting him unconditionally as part of our family.

We have learned so much over the past four and a half years.  Some of the lessons were not ones we desired to learn, but we are so thankful that God has polished our rough edges and has been gracious to us, despite our lack of faith at times and our stubbornness to follow our own plan rather than His.  Last Easter, as I sat by the grave of our oldest sons, I said a simple prayer, “God if it doesn’t get better than this, then I am done.”  I was so tired.  I rejoiced that my two little lambs were celebrating with their Savior, but I didn’t get what God was waiting for.  Less than a week later I got my answer.  And it seemed as though God was saying, “See, for the last nine months I have been protecting this precious one and orchestrating the plans I have for your family.” 

This week as I have been reflecting on all God has done, a couple verses have been brought to my attention.  The first is Jeremiah 29:11-12, which was read at our wedding - For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  This verse has brought us comfort and has proven itself to be true time and time again.  The second is Esther 4:14 - 
And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?  I am not sure how God will use our sorrow, pain, and joy.  But I do know that God brought us through all our pain for such a time as this.  He planned for Liam to be our son all along and it is a perfect fit.

I have included the letter we wrote to Liam and put in his scrapbook along with the letter that we wrote to Liam's birthmother.

Dear Sweet Liam,

            Today you have legally become our son.  It is the best day of our lives!  We thank God every day for letting us be your parents.  You exceed all our expectations and have all the qualities that we wanted in a son.  You are our Samuel, our miracle, and our joy.  We hope you always know how much we love you and how we have loved being your parents.  You fill our lives with silly, loving, and dear moments.  We are very proud of you.  We pray that God will give us the wisdom, discernment, and courage to be the kind of parents you deserve, and that you never doubt our love for you.

            Your life will be blessed, but at times it will be hard.  Liam, you have a God that loves you even more than we do.  He loves you so much that he died so you can spend eternity in heaven.  Your older brothers, Christopher and Connor, are already there.  Our greatest goal as your parents is to help you realize God’s love for you, and encourage your faith, so we can all join your brothers someday.  God has already begun a great story with your life.  We know He will do great things through you and we can’t wait to see what those things are.

            Today, we want you to know that your birthmother loved you so much to give you life and give you to us.  We will always be thankful for her and will continue to pray for her.  She is an important part of your journey.

            Liam, today we have to so much to be thankful for!  Thank you for being our son and for filling our hearts the way only you can.

We love you,

Mom & Dad

Dear (Birthmother),

           

      We understand and appreciate that you do not desire contact and we realize that you may never read this letter.  However, we feel compelled to write this as much for our benefit as yours.  We want to express to you our deepest gratitude.  We are so thankful for you.  You have given us the best gift anyone could have ever given us.  Thank you for giving this amazing, brilliant, and beautiful boy life.  Thank you for choosing us and giving us the opportunity to be parents.  You have made our greatest dream a reality.  Having a son has completely changed our lives for the better.  We continually keep you in our prayers.  We pray that God will bless you and that you will have peace that you made the right decision.  As our son grows we will tell him how much you loved him and that you wanted the best for him.  We promise you that we will provide him with the best life possible.  We will shower him with love and encourage his faith. 

Our most heartfelt thanks,

David & Tiffany

Preparing

Dave and I are preparing for a wonderful event this Friday.  Liam Everett Herman will legally become our son as we finalize his adoption.  We are doing many things to prepare for this amazing event.  I have been working on Liam's scrapbook and writing down my thoughts for him as well as writing a letter to his birthmother - I may share those later.  As I am working on writing these emotional letters I have been looking back at the other letters I have written over the past two and half years.  Below is the first letter I wrote on this journey.  I am amazed to see how far God has brought us.  It is evident that I was writing with His strength and not my own.  As we celebrate this milestone as a family, we also remember the members of our family that aren't able to celebrate with us, but will be rejoicing with us in heaven.


This was written the summer our sons died...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under Heaven; a time to be born and a time to die.”
I wanted you to know what is happening in this season of our lives. On May 31st I noticed some abdominal pain. After the pain worsened, I called the doctor and they urged me to come into the hospital right away. I was having contractions. They tried all night to stop them, but my body went into labor. At 7:42am on June 1st my beautiful son, Christopher David, was born. He was too small to save (He was 6oz and 8in). Dave and I were able to hold his small body in our arms. At 9:43am I delivered his identical twin brother, Connor Dennis (He was 7oz and 8in). My sons only had to be apart for two hours. We held both boys in our arms. We watched as God peacefully took Connor to be with Him and his brother. We could feel his heart stop beating by putting our finger on his chest. My sons felt no pain, sorrow, or fear. They never even cried (since their lungs weren’t developed yet). Our boys were perfect. They looked exactly like their father. They were perfectly formed even though they were only 18 weeks along. They even had all their fingernails and toenails. The nurse we had was wonderful. She got clothes for the boys, got their handprints and footprints, and gave us a disposable camera. I was rushed to surgery for a D&C (even though I had delivered everything, I had some scar tissue from a hemorrhage I had earlier in the pregnancy). When I woke up from surgery the pastor that married us was at my bedside. My mom, dad, and two brothers were also there. Pastor Zeckzer baptized the boys. We take such comfort in knowing that God is holding our sons in His arms.
The funeral was held on June 7th. We put both boys in one casket. They had never been apart and we wanted them to be together now. The funeral was beautiful. So many people showed up. The adult choir asked if they could sing. All three of our pastors wanted to be a part of the service. They wanted to mourn with us, but also show us how much we meant to them. All three pastors cried with us. We buried our sons in the church cemetery. They are in the company of all their Herman relatives that have passed away. Dave and I bought the plot next to the boys so that we can be buried next to them someday.
We are obviously still grieving. The doctors can offer us no explanation as to why this happened. The pregnancy was difficult (as pregnancy with twins often is), but there is no medical explanation why this happened. The boys were perfectly healthy and I had no problems. We are trusting that God’s timing is perfect and that He has a plan for us, even though we do not know what it is. We had waited two years to get pregnant with our sons and were only able to after fertility help. We wonder if God will ever let us be parents. We had just celebrated our fourth anniversary when this happened. Our relationship has grown because of this and we are determined to stay together. 98% of marriages that suffer the loss of a child end in divorce. We are determined not to let Satan win that battle. We have stored up two treasures in Heaven. Nothing can take that away from us. Death may have taken our boys, but God has secured their future. We look forward to holding our sons again someday, but know that God is not finished with us yet. Our sons’ short lives have been a witness to so many people. I can’t even tell you all the times that God has opened doors for us to talk about our faith. There were many mothers at the funeral that never had a chance to hold their children when they died. This includes my mother-in-law. For them the funeral was a way to reassure them that their precious children are in heaven. They could get closure themselves. Dave has had many opportunities through work, and even in our own neighborhood, to share his faith.
Please pray for us as our broken hearts mend and we try to figure out what God’s plan is for us. I had resigned from my job at Central and they had already called another second grade teacher before this happened. I have no job for next school year. I am not sure which direction God is leading me. I am trying to find things to do this summer to keep me busy (one of which is being Dave’s secretary). I still find myself breaking down at random times. Small things will remind me of my sons and I will cry. My body and soul are still healing. I don’t think the hole in my heart will ever heal. I will always miss my boys. I know God will never leave me or forsake me. He is walking with me through this valley of death. It is hard for me to verbalize my sadness, but I know God understands it and weeps with me.
1 Corinthians 13:12 “Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.”
Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
I have had to cling to God’s word along with the words of other mothers that have suffered loss. This is now the journey that I must take. I wanted you to know about our journey so that you could pray for us, but also so you would know our pride in our sons.

Liam's Sixth Month

Make your own scrapbooking design

Mr. Personality

Last weekend we went up to Michigan to celebrate my birthday.  Liam loves visiting Grandma & Grandpa Kusch and Uncle Rick & Aunt AnnaMaria, because they fuss all over him.  I asked Rick & Anna to change Liam before we left on Sunday.  What happened next was an impromptu photo shoot.  Here are the results...

Liam would have made a cute girl.

Oh, this is so silly!

Now that's more like it.  

I'm sure he will wear many more bow-ties in his lifetime.

He sure knows how to be cute.

What a fun time!

(Notice - lunch on his onesie - the reason he needed changed)

So surprised!

Liam where are your toes?  There they are.

Birthday Reflection

This year, as I celebrate my birthday, I have to marvel at how God has directed my steps over the last year.  One year ago today, I was thrilled with the news that a birthmother had chosen us to adopt her child.  Because our social workers do not share news unless they are certain a placement will be made, we were optimistic that we would receive a baby the first week of November.  As I blew out my candles last year, I had one simple prayer, "God please give me a baby."  Later that week we would learn that the birthmother changed her mind after realizing that she had a daughter.  As heartbreaking as it was, to once again have a delay in our plans, I felt peace that the little girl was not meant to be ours.  You see, I felt deep in my heart that God had a son in mind for us.  I would have been thrilled to have a daughter, but I sensed that God was going to give us a son (my Samuel).  I had dreams about a little blue eyed, toe headed boy with a big smile.  Now that Liam has entered our lives, I can't imagine having any other child.  He was worth the wait.  I am not sure why God let us have disappointment last November, after all we had already been through, but I am certain that He worked everything out for our good.  He knew the desires of my heart and fulfilled my dreams.  So, this November I celebrate God's grace and faithfulness.  I will squeeze my little miracle and smother him with kisses.  Thank you God for my present this year!

Spicers Orchard

Liam and I went with my brother Rick and his wife AnnaMaria to Spicers Orchard in Fenton, Michigan.  Spicers is the same farm where we pick strawberries and blueberries.  They grow almost anything you can think of, such as peaches, apples, pumpkins, and raspberries.  They offer hay (straw) rides.  They also have a little store where you can buy their produce already picked.  They have fresh baked goods, such as doughnuts, and have a winery with free wine tasting.  On this trip we rode the hay wagon and visited the children's section of the farm, which has animals that you can feed and pet, and a play area.  Liam was very focused during the hayride and seemed to take everything in.  There was a great deal to look at.  Liam loved the John Deere tractor in the children's farm.  It was a very fun trip and one we will probably take every fall.  

Beautiful Spicers Orchard

Hayride

Liam had so much fun on the John Deere tractor!

How tall is Liam this fall?  This may have to be a tradition.

Liam checking everything out

Our little pumpkin

Liam with Uncle Rick & Aunt Anna

Pumpkin Patch

Today we took a trip to the pumpkin patch.  Liam loved looking at all the different colors of pumpkins and gourds.  He also loved feeling all their textures.  We found a small pumpkin that was perfect for him.  Once he had it he didn't want to let it go.  It was so fun to watch him observe everything and take it all in.  He focuses so hard on things.  It makes me wonder what he is thinking.  He also really loved feeling the grass between his toes.  I will turn his pumpkin into baby food and roast the seeds for myself.  Eating his pumpkin will probably be his favorite part - he loves pumpkin.  It was a beautiful autumn day and a memory I will cherish.

Liam's Fifth Month

Free scrapbook design customized with Smilebox

Kids Against Hunger

This weekend Dave organized an event called Kids Against Hunger.  He raised enough money and got enough volunteers to package about 43,000 meals.  Most of the meals will stay in the community and will be distributed through local food banks.  Dave worked so hard to make this event a success.  He demonstrated a true servant's heart.  I am so proud of him!

Here is Dave mixing up a sample of the food.  This way the volunteers could taste the meal they were packaging.

Here is a bird's eye view of the volunteers in progress.  There were two shifts and a total of about 100 volunteers.

Our nieces and nephew helped out.  I am glad they are learning about service at a young age.

Liam's Birthmarks

Liam has two little birthmarks on his head.  When he first arrived, we thought they may have been bruises.  When they didn't go away, we realized that they must be birthmarks.  Many people have commented on what they look like.  At first we thought they looked like Mickey Mouse heads, which was appropriate since we heard of Liam's birth while at Disney World.  Then, they began to look like two little hearts, especially the one on the left.  Yesterday, I was talking to my friend about these marks and I was explaining to her that I thought they looked like hearts.  She agreed and said they were little kisses from Christopher and Connor.  I like the thought of that.  I like to think of Christopher and Connor giving Liam little blessings.  It is a sweet reminder to me of my treasures, both here on earth and in heaven.  Dave and I often talk about how wonderful it will be when all our boys get to play together.  What a great family reunion we have in store for us!

My Weight Loss Journey

I have never considered myself the athletic type.  I had always been involved in athletic activities, such as dance and cheerleading.  However, I always had high standards of what an athlete should be and I certainly did not live up to those standards.  I also never really had success with dieting.  I went through a phase in junior high where I ate nothing but rice cakes and did ballet every waking moment.  Then, came puberty and my body blossomed and I embraced my new figure.  I slowly gained weight over the years.  It was so gradual that I hardly noticed it happening.  I gained some weight with the twins, but gained even more weight during the four fertility treatments we tried after the twins.  Once we decided to stop trying to get pregnant and apply for adoption, I knew I needed to make a change.  I was carrying around extra emotional weight along with the extra pounds.  I began working out 5-6 days a week.  I also started my own version of Weight Watchers.  I took what I learned from other people who had done the program and adapted it to fit my lifestyle.  My transformation was like another job for me.  I really poured everything I could into it.  I think it really helped me while I waited for Liam.  There was so much I didn't have control of in my life that it was good to have control over something.   It was good to feel successful.  I also said goodbye to my emotional weight that was weighing me down.  In fact, I often prayed and cried while I worked out - I was turning my pain over to God and letting Him turn me into the person He wanted me to be.  I can only imagine what people thought of me at the gym.  The Devil tried to derail me so many times by telling me all the lies he had told me over the last two years, but I kept with it.  Over the course of 10 months I lost 35 pounds.  At some point I would like to lose 10-20 more pounds.  That is a little more of a challenge now, since most days I am lucky to get a shower in let alone a workout.  However, I am maintaining my weight, which is good.  I hope this post does not sound like I am bragging.  That is not my intent.  I have never thought of myself as a vain person - my perfectionism will never allow me to get to that point.  I just want to prove that it is possible, and with God's help I am able to start this new chapter in my life as a much healthier person physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Before

me at my heaviest (May 2009)

You can just see the pain in my eyes - my friends often commented that the sparkle was gone from my eyes - it took time, and God's grace to get that back.

After 

me at my skinniest (so far)